sunny side up
Saturday, October 25, 2008 @ 4:12 PM
Completely and Totally
The other day, after I had resolved to be a kinder/proactive/positive influencing group member to my group mates...
...Took a bus with a groupmate. Had to pay uncle in coins. I asked him how much. He said one twenty. I immediately said oh I'm a student. He stared at me and said one twenty again. I said oh! but it's only one dollar for students right? He stared longer and then turned away, while I paid a dollar and walked to the back of the bus in a huff.
me: wah bus uncle wanted to cheat my money!
friend: how much did you pay?!
me: one dollar lah!!
friend: how much he said?
me: ONE TWENTY!! as if the twenty cents will go to his salary like that
friend: they have fixed salary what.
me: yah! he's so terrible. uh yeah... hmm.. sorry.. I didn't mean to be so angry
friend: oh don't worry! I will say the same thing! I'm like that too.
I guess even sometimes when I don't say such things. The thoughts are harbored in the heart. How many times have I told myself that I can change for the better if I try harder? How many times have I willed myself to be more nice, less lazy, more loving, less self-centred etc because I am a good person... and I fall right back down into the rut of things. That's why bible says there is none righteous. No, not one. The thoughts of our hearts are evil, dead in trespasses and sins. We completely lost it at the fall and we cannot turn to God ourselves. But He so graciously wills for us to be right with Him, to look to Him and be able to love, change and grow.
good food for thought for my "evil" essay due the following week...
what a non-coincidence! i was just reading through my catechism material and i was reading on the problem of sin and creation etc. You're not alone in this struggle, I go through this too. It's an uphill task for us to be right with Him, that's why our faith in Him is that of a relationship, it supposes a dependence on Him. I've 3 'evil' essays due the following...how's that? *weeps*
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